One
of my high school friends, Lucy, hailed from a dysfunctional family.
She was the love child of a local crime boss. For most of her childhood
Lucy was a foster child, lacking the warmth and closeness of her own
mother. After class one day, Lucy and I were window shopping at a
downtown department store. Lucy’s mom approached us and in public
rehearsed a litany enumerating aspects of Lucy’s “not perfect”
appearance. It seemed there was nothing about Lucy that could please her
mother. I couldn’t begin to imagine how deeply shamed Lucy felt. My mom
and dad corrected me, but they never shamed me in front of my peers. I
felt truly blessed.
Lucy’s story is not unique. She is only one
of many like her who suffer from lack of love or poorly expressed
affection on the part of parents, teachers, or siblings. Does God
somehow love them less? No. He loves each one of us passionately.
In
Lucy’s case, others stepped up to help her by offering friendship, a
place to stay, and job training. In a recent issue of The Magnificat I
read the story of a royal princess born with a hunchback. Her face had a
pockmarked complexion. Her father once tried to kill her to get rid of
her. Another saint born into royalty was locked by a relative in a trunk
for three days until she was rescued. Despite all the lack of love and
affection experienced in their families, these two “unwanted” women are
today canonized saints. Convinced of God’s love for them, despite what
they were living through, these woman lived serene and holy lives. Today
we know them as Saint Joan of France and Saint Beatrice da Silva.
Many
men and women who are now saints of the Church were raised in less than
perfectly functioning families. St. Martin de Porres was the son of a
Spanish grandee and a black dancer. Martin and his sister experienced
the hardships of a single parent household. St. Kateri Tekakwitha, the
first native-born American saint, her face marked by the ravages of an
epidemic, was often shunned by her tribe.
Each saint knew that
he or she was God’s son or daughter, loved from all eternity. The
Holocaust survivor and psychologist Viktor Frankel wrote, “When one has a
‘why’ in life, he can live with any how.” Sister Helena Burns addresses
the issue of a less than perfect family life in her book especially for
young women, He Speaks To You. Sister Helena offers Jesus as the “why”
that overcomes all obstacles in any life.
Sr. Mary Peter, FSP
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